Month: January 2016

Bone Tomahawk (template)

BoneTomahawkName: Bone Tomahawk
Template time! Movies get template reviews when I don’t have the time or energy or concern about writing them something longer. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them (but sometimes it does). Template reviews contain no spoilers. If no link appears to a longer review around this sentence, I haven’t written one.

Year of Release: 2015
Basic blurb: It’s a horror western starring Kurt Russell, Matthew Fox, and Richard Jenkins. Mustaches. Horses. Plains. Cannibals.

Is there anything of note about the characters?
They’re stock, but they’re done well. Kurt Russell is excellent as the sheriff. He’s my favorite kind of by default because he’s so good, but I have a strong fondness for Matthew Fox wearing a very light-colored suit for the amount of dust and horses (and his silly mustache, but more on that in a second). And I always adore Richard Jenkins, and he’s awesome here too. He should be in everything. And I guess Patrick Wilson. I cared less about him, but I think that’s me, not the movie. Continue reading →

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Oblivion (template)

oblivionTemplate time! Movies get template reviews when I don’t have the time or energy or concern about writing them something longer. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them (but sometimes it does). If no link appears to a longer review around this sentence, I haven’t written one.

Name: Oblivion
Year of Release: 2013
Basic blurb: In the future where we had to kill the earth to destroy the aliens, maybe life is still possible? Tom Cruise and Andrea Riseborough are the last humans around and they’re basically maintenance staff. Also Morgan Freeman is there.

Is there anything of note about the characters?
Not really. They’re pretty generic blockbuster scifi characters. Tom Cruise runs on several occasions and also drives a motorcycle, as he is contractually obligated to do in every movie. The male and female leads kiss, but there’s back story so it’s okay. None of this nonsense where the one main guy and one main woman who are brought together by Dramatic Action end up falling in love and it’s annoying and trite. Continue reading →

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Edge of Tomorrow (template)

Edge_of_Tomorrow_PosterTemplate time! Movies get template reviews when I don’t have the time or energy or concern about writing them something longer. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them (but sometimes it does). Template reviews contain no spoilers. If no link appears to a longer review around this sentence, I haven’t written one. 

Name: Edge of Tomorrow, or, occasionally, Live Die Repeat. It’s a strange thing.

Year of Release: 2014

Basic blurb: Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt do remarkably smart blockbuster scifi.

Is there anything of note about the characters?
They are good! They are, like, real people! I know, madness. Emily Blunt is a badass and that’s awesome to see, and Tom Cruise, as many people said at the time but sorry I only saw it just now, really plays on his overly charming persona well. Man, when he smiles, you get what people mean when they say someone has a 1000-watt smile. It is a weapon to be wielded carefully. And, get this, there is even character development! And Emily Blunt’s upper arms/shoulders! Which, okay, don’t develop, but damn. Every time she does the plank into up-dog (yoga terms, people) it was amazing all over again. I want to be that strong. Continue reading →

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The Hateful Eight

Sam: WHAT? A MOVIE DISCUSSION POST? Yes, dear readers, we are doing your favorite discussion format, but this time, about a movie. I know, it’s exciting. What’s more exciting is that it’s about a good movie, and a movie you might actually want to see. Today’s topic shall be Quentin Tarantino’s eighth film (as the credits so helpfully remind you), The Hateful Eight. We both saw this movie in OMG NECESSARY CINEPHILIACASM 70mm, and we have a blog, therefore we are qualified to tell you all about this extremely Tarantino-y movie.

Emily: It might have been the most Tarantino-y movie ever and that’s saying something because it’s not like he ever makes anything that’s not very much him. It was so good and I want to see it again. The 70mm was pretty gorgeous, though, so I think I’m going to be angry every time I see it when it’s not in 70mm.

Sam: No, no, don’t be angry, just think wistfully of seeing it all giant on the screen and settle in with contentment for the talky, bloody ride. Before we jump to spoilers/an actual reasonable, full discussion of the movie, it’s worth noting: this movie is recommended and you should go see it. Provided you know what you’re getting into, but you should know what Tarantino is by now, and this is that.

Note: after the jump THERE SHALL BE SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Continue reading →

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